


Deep Breaths

by DarkCellar



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Star Wars Setting, Armitage Hux/Kylo Ren Fluff, Asthma, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Developing Friendships, Escort Service, Falling In Love, Family Issues, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Gay Male Character, Getting to Know Each Other, Homophobic Language, I Ship It, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Kylux - Freeform, LGBTQ Themes, Love, M/M, Out of Character, Romantic Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-07 13:26:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19210351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkCellar/pseuds/DarkCellar
Summary: 1) Go in2) Do what’s asked of you3) Don’t think about it4) Walk awayThis is the set of personal rules that Armitage Hux has been living by, ever since hard times prompted him to join an escort service. And for the most part, he’s successful at his job; trading his time and his body for money.However, one day he’s sent to a client that’s a little different from the others, and the man’s odd way of thinking (and acting) shakes up Hux’s world in unexpected ways.





	1. Chapter 1

Hux ran his fingers through his hair, thinking to himself that he should probably get a haircut soon. But, no, maybe not; for some reason, the majority of his clients seemed to like him with slightly longer locks. To run THEIR fingers through it, to pull it, or, as one strange old guy had requested, to lick it.

Well, so long as they paid for whatever ‘privilege’ they had in mind, Hux didn’t mind.

When Hux’s life had started to fall apart several years ago, he would never have dreamt that he would end up doing something like this. But his father died, leaving behind him a massive amount of hospital debt, of which Hux was responsible for. Hux picked up two, three, sometimes 4 part-time jobs, running himself ragged trying to not only pay off his dad’s bills but to stay afloat of his own.

And then he lost one job.  
Then the second.  
And third.

And wasn’t even able to pay the electric bill with the job that remained. He lost his apartment, and nights found him crashing on the couches or floors of various acquaintances, or, occasionally, a local homeless shelter.

One day he was sitting in a cheap diner, after having scrounged up change for a coffee, and was honestly thinking of ending it all. From seemingly nowhere, a well-dressed man came up and sat beside him. He complimented Hux on his looks, which Hux more or less ignored, thinking the guy was just hitting on him. But then he’d pulled out a fancy card and told Hux to contact him, should he be interested in a little “business opportunity.”

Hux, figuring he had nothing else to lose, called him three days later.

And the rest was history.

Contrary to what others would think, being an escort had its advantages. Less hours than a normal job, for one. Tons more money in one hour than a regular job could garner all day. The website was very easy to navigate; the client would specify his requests, and once he or she was matched to somebody suitable, they would pay with a card, and after, Hux would receive his share of the money (which was a generous 60%). This system gave him a bit of lee-way on choosing whom his clients would be.

But with advantages came pitfalls, of course.

Like no health insurance. No benefits. Because of the nature and infrequency of his income, very few apartment owners were willing to rent to him, so all he could afford was a shabby studio in a not-so-nice neighborhood. Also, to bring in more potential clients, Hux had allowed himself to be billed as a unisex companion, meaning he would accept female clients as well, despite his preference being men.

Also, despite the escort agency’s best efforts to choose safe clientele for their employees, every once in a while, dangerous people would get past the screenings, and things in the bedroom could escalate to scary, sometimes fatal, levels. Just last week, a woman that Hux had been friendly with was strangled to death by her client. There had been no pictures in the paper, but Hux could imagine them well enough: the dark purple bruises around her neck, the blood, the —

“Shut up,” he said to himself now, shaking his head. He knew better than this; that he shouldn’t freak himself out with what-if’s right before meeting a client.

And anyway, bad stuff like that usually only happened at the cheaper hotels. But this one was nice; plush carpeting, a huge lobby —

— and the client he was going to had one of those penthouse suites on the very top floor. As he should; his agency contact had informed Hux that the man “bled money”; he was the young heir to a lucrative family-owned real estate and insurance company, and spent most of his time traveling around to various cities, overseeing business operations.

“Guys like that are always lookin’ for some quick, hot action,” Hux’s contact had told him beforehand, lighting up a cigar. “Usually good tippers, too.”

Hux took a breath as he finally reached the top of the stairs. He could have taken the elevator but knew that taking the stairs would add some lovely color to his normally dull skin, which clients found attractive.

He found the door in question, took another deep breath, and knocked.

“Door’s open!”

Hux walked in, and his heart did a little flip, at the pure beauty of this room. Gorgeous windows boasting a fantastic view of the nighttime city skyline. Elegant, dainty furniture. A carpet that was worlds deeper than the one in the hallways. Colorful paintings on every wall. It was so nice in here that Hux almost didn’t see his client.

“Hi,” the man said, quickly standing up from a little red sofa. As he walked towards Hux, the redhead took the time to take a good look at him. He was tall, just slightly taller than Hux himself. Well-built, with a trim, narrow waist and broad shoulders. Even dressed as he was in a simple short-sleeved polo shirt, his arm muscles stood out prominently; it was clear that he spent some time in the gym. His skin was even more pale than Hux’s, making Hux think that he didn’t spent a lot of time outdoors. His skin was offset by his hair and eyes, which were very dark in color. On his face sat several small moles ... and an expression of anxiety.

Was he nervous about this?

Still, as nice as he looked, Hux subtly did his normal scoping-out of the area, to deduce possible escape routes, should things go horribly awry. He was still close enough to the door to bolt to it if necessary, and he was fairly sure, judging from the view when he was outside, that this room had a fire escape just to the left of the balcony.

“I’m Ben Solo” the man said, offering his hand. Hux took it, putting on what he hoped was a charming smile. “You’re Armitage?”

Hux hesitated; would be be overstepping his bounds, to correct Ben on the name? One man he had tried this with had looked him up and down, and said, in a mocking voice, _I paid for you, so I’ll call you whatever I want._ Hux chanced it to say, “I prefer Hux, actually. It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Solo.”

“You can just call me Ben,” he said, in his deep, pleasant voice. He turned around and went back to a little glass cabinet in the wall, saying, “Sit and make yourself comfortable. You want a drink?”

Hux sat down in a deep-velvet chair, temporarily closing his eyes a little at the softness of it. “I’d like that, thanks.”

“Is vodka okay?”

“It’s fine.”

“With juice or soda or anything?”

“Straight,” Hux replied. The stronger the booze, the easier it was to get through the night.

Ben brought it to him and then sat down across from him. He toyed with the drink in his own hand (which seemed to be just a club soda), the ice cubes clinking around, before saying, somewhat awkwardly,

“You’re a lot cuter than I expected. I mean, the picture on the website doesn’t really do you justice. Do you model on the side or something?”

Hux just barely kept from rolling his eyes, and took a sip of his drink. The picture that Ben was talking about, the one under his profile on the website, was awful. In it, Hux had the look of a scared boy trapped in the headlights. He’d always meant to update it, but just never got around to it. Yet the current one clearly served its purpose; Hux’s contact informed him that his photo was on the top ten most viewed each week, and his request rate was always in the top five percentile.

“Thank you, that’s nice of you. But no, I don’t.”

“Well, I think you could, if you wanted to. If you were in a suit you’d look like something out of GQ magazine.”

Hux raised an eyebrow at that, not quite sure how to respond. Was Ben the shy type? Hux had dealt with this kind before; clients who were confident ordering what they wanted over the phone or through a website, but once the actual person got there, they became scared of the next step. If that was the case, Hux would have to take initiative, soon, to get the ball rolling.

“So, um, what all is it that you DO? Or, uh, what can we do, together?”

Hux sat up a little straighter, feeling relieved. Thank God; Ben actually broke the ice on his own. This was the part Hux was more comfortable with, the business side of things. Awkward small-talk had never really been his thing, as it only delayed the inevitable.

So he told Ben, in as casual a voice as someone listing groceries:

“We can do oral, anal (I’m fine with giving or receiving on either), role-play, cosplay (if you provide the costumes), lap dances, spanking, varying degrees of BSDM, dirty talk, oh, pretty much anything you want. However I must tell you up-front that protection is absolutely mandatory for penetration; if you don’t have anything, I do.” Here Hux paused and, changing his tone from his professional one to somewhat seductive, he said, “You look to me like a man who knows exactly what he likes. So don’t be scared to tell me; my ears aren’t innocent, and neither is the rest of me.”

“Wh-what about ... cards?”

Hux squinted at him, taken aback.

“Excuse me?”

“Do you play cards? Like Gin, or Black Jack? Or, um, I think they have a little novelty shop downstairs, maybe I can run down and see if they have any board games?”

“Games?”, Hux asked, confused. “Forgive me, Ben, but wouldn’t you rather just get down to it? You only have me for about an hour, here.”

“Um, here’s the thing, Hux ... I’ve never done this kind of thing before. But tonight, I don’t know ... I’ve been on the road for almost 4 months, and I guess I’m just ...” Here he paused, chuckling a little and shoving a loose lock of hair back behind his ear, before continuing, “I just thought, if I had to spend one more night by myself, I’d go crazy. I ... I guess this is a desperate thing to do, huh? But I couldn’t think of anything else.”

“So ... so you don’t want, to, um —“

Ben shook his head, his cheeks again turning a dark pink. “No. I don’t. Wait, shit, I mean, I’m not trying to say I don’t think you’re really attractive, because you definitely are. But it’s ... well ... I guess I really just wanted someone to BE with. Just so I wasn’t alone.”

Hux continued to stare at him, trying to figure out whether he was being serious or not. He had never had a request quite like this before. While he was thinking about it, Ben said, still in that same bashful tone of voice,

“You seem like a nice person, someone that would be fun to hang out with. Please? I can order pizza or — oh! That would take longer than an hour, wouldn’t it?”

He went to a little cabinet by the sofa and pulled out a small Tablet. Hux watched as he brought up the escort website, and clicked on the Upgrade option.

“Is it okay with you, if I change the time from one hour to overnight?”

“Of course,” Hux said, calmly; but inside he was glad. He hadn’t had a full overnight gig in a while, and this meant he would be getting almost a grand instead of the usual couple of hundred.

“Okay, done!”, Ben said, as he set the Tablet back down. “What should we do first? Should we order food? What do you like? Room Service offers a lot but like I said we could just get pizza, or tacos, or —

Ben went on and on, with Hux nodding politely and reassuring him that whatever he chose was fine. He couldn’t help but find the sadness in this situation; Ben, like Hux, was a grown man. Yet the way he was behaving right now was like an excited pet that hadn’t seen its master all day ... or a teenage girl throwing her first sleepover.

While Ben was still rambling on, Hux took the opportunity to slowly slip off his shoes, and lean back a little more into the warm plushness of his chair. If he was going to be here all night, he may as well get comfortable.

—-

When Hux woke up the next morning, it took him a bit longer than it should have, to remember where he was. Obscenely silky sheets were covering him, and several soft pillows were underneath his head.

“Good morning!”

Hux turned his neck, and found himself looking into the face of the guy from last night. Ben.

True to his word, Mr. Solo had indeed gone down to the hotel’s gift shop, and had come back loaded down with a variety of games. Once the pizza came, the two spent almost the entire night shuffling between checkers, Connect 4, Monopoly (even though Hux had somewhat protested that Monopoly was more interesting with more than two people), and even Candy Land. Yet as odd as it was to be in a luxury hotel suite with a man who had purchased him for the evening, sitting on the floor in new pajamas (which Ben had also purchased in one of the shops downstairs) and playing little-kid games ....

.... Hux couldn’t remember the last time he had had so much fun. Ben was strange, yes; but Hux could also tell that there was something really innocent and childlike to him.

A refreshing change, after some of the absolute monsters he had been bought by.

Hux had had a moment of misgiving when Ben insisted he sleep in the same bed with him, thinking that that would surely be the time Ben made his move; but with that, too, nothing happened. The bed was large enough so that they each had ample room to move around without interfering in the others space.

“Good morning,” Hux replied, sitting up and yawning. “I’m sorry, I guess I overslept. I’ll be out of your hair in —“

“No, wait. Um, I ordered us breakfast, it should be here in a few minutes. I wasn’t sure what you liked, so I just ordered one of everything from the breakfast options.”

Hux chuckled and stood up to use the bathroom, saying, “Coffee would have sufficed; but I appreciate the thoughtfulness.”

By the time Hux came out of the bathroom, breakfast had arrived; two loaded rolling carts full of steaming plates.

“You don’t mind eating in bed, do you? I always watch CNBC in the mornings, and there’s not a tv out there.”

“I don’t mind if you don’t,” Hux said, helping himself to a plate of blueberry muffins.

Hux ate quietly for a while, surprised at the awakening of his usually dead appetite, while Ben nibbled at a plate of eggs and intently watched as different stocks floated across the screen, occasionally muttering to himself.

It was a bit strange, seeing the “business” side of Ben. The side that was clearly invested in the confusing numbers rolling across the screen, as opposed to the one who spilled chocolate milk on a pair of Scooby-Doo pajama bottoms while playing checkers.

After a long while, he switched off the tv, turned so that he was facing Hux, and said,

“Can I ask you something?”

Hux took a sip of orange juice. “Of course.”

“Well, um, I enjoyed your company last night. If ... if you don’t have any plans for this upcoming week, could I convince you to stay with me? I’m attending a bunch of different conferences and meetings in the business rooms downstairs, and several other places in this city; and when the week is over, I can finally go back home.”

“Uh ...”

“I’d pay you, of course. Maybe under the table? I know how places like the escort service are run; they take a percentage of your profits, right? Well, this way, you could keep the whole thing. All you have to do is be here when I come back from meetings, go out to eat with me, play games, and stuff like that.”

_Jesus Christ ... he really IS lonely._

But still ...

“Uh, I don’t know about that, Ben. I —“

“Please? I’ll give you two, no, five thousand for the week,” Ben offered; and before Hux could protest he got up and went to a little rented safe in the wall, turned the combination lock, and counted out a thick stack full of hundreds, before getting back into bed and holding it out to Hux.

“Please?

“Ben — five thousand is so much. I couldn’t take that from you. I don’t —“

“If you feel bad because you think it’s an expense, don’t worry, it’s not. I swear it’s not. You keep the money and in return I don’t feel like blowing my brains out when I come back each day. It’s a fair trade.”

Hux tilted his head and looked at him closely, a bit startled. Although Ben had said that ‘blowing his brains out’ part in a joking tone of voice, something deep down told Hux that Ben really wasn’t kidding.

But ... why did Hux care what this guy did or didn’t do with himself? Just because Ben was nice? Because he was a little weird?

Or because that sadness of his reminded Hux just a bit of himself?

Looking at Ben’s eager face, Hux smiled a bit and sighed, slightly shaking his head.

“You drive a really hard bargain, Mr. Solo. But, all things considered ... I accept.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Hux,**

**Meetings today until 5pm. Be back after. If you get hungry order from room service, just sign for it. Also, there’s a pool down on third or fourth floor. See you later!**

**— Ben.**

 

Hux shook his head on the pool idea; he had never learned how to swim. He figured he’d be comfortable lounging around and relaxing all day until Ben returned. This suite had a delectably large bathtub, a wide-screen tv, and, as mentioned in Ben’s note, a menu beside the phone offering some pretty tasty-looking delicacies for room service.

Yesterday had been strange. After Hux had finally agreed to stay with Ben, the latter had shown so much excitement over the concept that Hux was worried he’d have a heart attack.

“Put your head between your knees,” he’d told him, patting his back to get him to breathe. 

“Shit ... sorry ... can you hand ... me my ... inhaler?”

Hux straightened up and looked around the room, a bit surprised. 

“Where is it?”

Ben pointed at the top of the dresser, and Hux went, retrieving a small black device.

“Do you have asthma?”, he asked, as Ben triggered several blasts down his throat.

Ben nodded, still keeping his head down.

 _He really should have told me that sooner,_ Hux thought to himself, as he continued to gently pat Ben’s back. _IF we had actually had sex, and it got to where he was really out of breath, I wouldn’t have known how to help him._

After Ben had calmed himself sufficiently, Hux had told him that he was going to go back to his apartment to get some clothes for the week, to which Ben panicked all over again.

“You’re positive you’re coming back?”, he’d asked more than once, his eyes eating up his face. Yet despite Hux’s efforts to reassure Ben of his return (including leaving the $5000 behind), Ben still seemed unconvinced, and insisted on paying for the cab to and from Hux’s apartment himself (as a way to monitor the situation).

And even then, the look on Ben’s face when Hux came back with a small suitcase, was almost heartbreaking in its relief.

It still blew Hux’s mind, the concept that someone had paid him to be with them, yet didn’t seem to be interested in anything sexual.

And Ben clearly wasn’t.

He was still a bit of a weird one, though; when they had gone to sleep last night, Ben had faced Hux and talked to him until the early hours of the morning. Odd things, personal things ... the kind of things you wouldn’t really say to someone that you haven’t known for quite a while.

Also, the fact that Ben had paid him such a ludicrous amount of cash up-front ... what was to stop Hux from walking out with the money right now? 

And besides the money, Ben also had a number of valuable trinkets that he left behind each day, such as two laptops, a Tablet, an iPod, and several hyper-expensive suits, ties, shoes, and watches.

What was to stop Hux, from waiting until Ben left in the mornings, loading up a bag with all of his things, and taking off to the nearest pawn shop?

Plus there was the safe to consider. Hux had already glimpsed inside of it twice, and knew that it contained enough petty cash to keep him afloat for quite some time. 

How did Ben know that Hux wasn’t a bad person; that Hux wouldn’t wait until he’d opened the safe again, and take the opportunity to crack him over the head and rob him blind?

How could Ben trust somebody that he had just met, like this? And somebody with as dubious a profession as Hux’s?

After all, Ben didn’t know anything about him, like where he lived. Hypothetically, Hux could just cut ties with the escort service, and disappear into thin air. If he did that, it would be nearly impossible for Ben to track Hux down.

 _He must be extremely trusting,_ Hux thought to himself, as he straightened up the bed. _Either that or really, really naive._

Also, this situation presented a new kind of dilemma for Hux ... what did one DO, with a client who only wanted platonic things from him? Hux knew of a variety of tricks to do with his body, that would keep a client happy and satisfied ... but what Ben wanted seemed a bit more complicated. 

Board and card games, watching movies, eating junk food ... how long could all of that possibly keep him content?

Hux almost wished that this _was_ just a standard sexual arrangement, just so that he wouldn’t be so unclear on what to do.

Also ...

In this business, it was imperative that you just go in, do your job, and leave. You couldn’t afford yourself the luxury of giving any REAL thought to the clients’ personality, their habits ... and especially their looks. Beautiful or hideous was entirely irrelevant, and could not be allowed to have a bearing on how you performed in the bedroom.

Hux knew this, and had always followed this rule ...

... BUT.

Ben was, without a doubt, the best-looking man that Hux had seen up close in his entire life. His physique, his tantalizing smell, his deep voice ...

If this had been another time, another place, and the situation had been different ...

 _But it’s probably better this way_ , Hux told himself, as he ran hot water for a bath. _The fucking cuff links on his least expensive suit could probably pay my rent for a month. Whether he’s nice or not, whether he’s attractive or not ... me and him are from two different universes._

—

“You’re still here!”

Hux nodded, leaning forward in his seat on the couch. “Of course I am. We agreed on the week, didn’t we?”

Ben nodded, taking off his jacket and letting it fall to the floor. Hux had to stop himself from cringing, as Ben kicked off his shoes and let them fall over said jacket. So expensive — yet he treated the items as if they came from a thrift shop.

“What do you want to do tonight?”

“Um, actually, do you have time for a little chat?”

All the color immediately drained from Ben’s face, and he quickly sat beside Hux.

“Oh my god, you’re not telling me you’re leaving, are you? Please; if it’s a matter of more money —“

“No, no, it’s nothing like that. It’s okay, I’m not going, okay?”

“But ... but something is wrong?”

Hux nodded. “Kind of. You see, Ben, I KNOW you said the money wasn’t a big deal for you, but to me, it is. I honestly feel like sitting here and playing card games with you isn’t enough. Like, I’M not doing enough, to earn that much. So I was wondering if there was anything at all you want me to do for you, each day? Like, take out your dry cleaning? Or make you a drink when you come back from meetings? Or — other things?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve basically given me $5000 to sit here and look pretty, right? I — uh, you just need to know that I’m perfectly okay with, uh, performing certain ‘tasks’ for you, if you want me to. Say, if you’re stressed out, I can help you relieve that stress. In multiple ways. And you don’t need to feel embarrassed or shy about asking.”

Hux paused, then reached over and put his hand on Ben’s knee, rubbing it. “Do you understand what I’m saying?”

Ben nodded (he was, of course, blushing again), then gently picked Hux’s hand off of his knee and dropped it back into his lap.

“You don’t need to do that kind of stuff. Just be here for me. That’s all I want.”

Hux sighed and nodded. “It’s funny; I’ve known you for all of two days, but you’re treating me better than like 100% of the people I’ve met in the past two YEARS.”

Ben shook his head at Hux’s statement, looking sad. “Seriously? Someone as nice as you are?”

“People don’t give two shits about ‘niceness’,” Hux blurted out, for the first time speaking what was on his mind rather than what he thought Ben wanted to hear. “They care about what you can give them, or do for them. Once you can’t give anything else, you become nothing. You —“

Hux abruptly stopped himself, surprised and embarrassed at his uncharacteristic outburst. Ben didn’t seem to know how to handle Hux’s honesty either; he was sitting and looking at him as if he had snakes crawling from his ears.

After a few silent moments, Ben stood up and awkwardly patted Hux’s shoulder, as if trying to give comfort.

“What do you want for dinner tonight?”, Ben asked, changing the subject. “There’s this really good Sushi place a couple of blocks from here. Or, if you don’t feel like going out, we could order —“


	3. Chapter 3

“I’ve done this for men and women before,” Hux said, taking another bite of his food. This was delicious; normally he wasn’t a fan of shrimp alfredo, but the sauce in this one was phenomenal.

“So you’re not just about men?”

“Eh, that’s complicated. A job is a job, you know? You get paid to ‘entertain’ a client regardless of their gender, and you try to do a good job at it. But if you were to ask me which I prefer, it’s definitely men. Like, if I was to ever start a real, genuine relationship with another person, it’d be with a guy.”

Here he paused and let out a chuckle, before continuing,

“Plus, in this job, with men I always seem to be paired with ones that are close to my age. But for some reason, with ladies, it’s almost always significantly older women, and half of them are just crazy.”

It was the next night, and once again the two were having dinner together. Normally the ultra-fancy Italian place, Ronaldi’s, didn’t do ‘take-out’ orders. But Ben had called them and, after some persuasive (and charming) debating, had convinced the owner to not only fix them plates to go, BUT to have it delivered by one of their waiters.

“That only worked because the owner is a woman,” Ben had told Hux, after the food came (and after he’d tipped the waiter high enough to nearly pass out). “It’s hilarious; only women seem to think I’m charming, and not creepy.”

This had led into a conversation about what Hux liked and, ultimately, some of the things that he did at his ‘job’. Normally Hux would be disinclined to talk about the more lurid aspects of his profession, but Ben seemed earnest enough, and was genuinely curious about what Hux did. Now they were at the part where Hux declared the majority of his female clients to be ‘crazy’.

“What do you mean, crazy?”

“I mean, they’re batshit loony. The last woman was maybe 4 months back, right? Older, I’d say mid to late 50’s. I got to her room and she was dressed up in a full baby costume. A onesie, a large diaper outside of the onesie, a bonnet, pacifier. And, okay, I’m thinking that this is about to be some really weird sex, right? But no, she just wants me to put her across my knee and spank her. She had one of those ping-pong paddles and she told me to keep spanking her and telling her she’d been a bad girl. And she wasn’t exactly a tiny thing, either; I could hardly stand up after because my legs hurt so bad.”

Ben burst out laughing, his expression a mix between amused and horrified.

“Seriously?”

“Yes. But that’s not the worst part. The worst was that, like, a few minutes after I started this, the lady’s HUSBAND suddenly came out of the bathroom! And he must have been in his 80’s or something. Anyway he comes out with a video camera and says he’s going to tape us. And the entire time I’m spanking his wife, he’s sitting there recording it ... and touching himself.”

“Oh, ew!”

“Ew is right. But he didn’t join in, thank God, and I didn’t have to do it with either. And at the end of the hour each of them gave me a $100 tip, so that was nice.”

Ben nodded, going quiet again as he looked back out the window. Still keeping his gaze out there, but pitching his voice in Hux’s direction, he asked, very timidly,

“It never bothers you, doing stuff like that? I’m not trying to be offensive, or judge you, but I’m genuinely curious.”

“The sex-stuff itself isn’t really bad, Ben. It’s like anything else in life; you just get used to it. But it’s really a lot easier if I’m with a partner who does all of the work, and wants me to lay there, because then I can just close my eyes and think about something else. But sometimes the verbal stuff ...”

“Verbal stuff?”

“Yeah,” Hux said, nodding. He pushed his plate back from him and leaned back in his chair a bit, stretching. “Lots of people have like, humiliation kinks. They want you to sit there and take them calling you all kinds of nasty, degrading things while they fuck you. Most of it is laughable, but some of it stings so bad ...”

Ben was looking back at him again, his face pensive.

“I don’t think I could do that. ANY of it. I don’t think I have the stomach for it, or the ... the bravery.”

“Bravery? That’s ... an interesting word for it. I don’t think any of this is bravery; if anything, it’s massive stupidity, on my part, for even starting this. But at the time, I was so desperate for money, that —“

Here he paused, shaking his head at himself as he took a sip of his tea. He hadn’t meant to get quite that personal with Ben, or share as much about himself. So he decided that now would be a good time to change the subject.

“What about you, Ben? What’s your deal?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you requested a man from the service. So are you just into guys, or guys and girls, or what?”

“Oh. Uh, men. Always men.”

“So you’ve never been with a woman?”

“Oh, no, I have. I actually had a girlfriend for like, six years. But ... I only started a relationship with her in the first place because my mom set us up; and then I didn’t break up with her for so long because I didn’t want to hurt her, or disappointment mom. But I’d kinda known I was into guys, all the way back in grade school. But being honest about that really wasn’t an option in my family, you know?”

Hux nodded, remembering his many (failed) attempts with conversing with his own father on the subject. “I completely get that.”

“Surprisingly, it was my girlfriend herself who made me sit down one day and talk to her about it. I guess in all that time, she’d been able to put two and two together. Like, why I never initiated any kind of physical contact, including sex. Why when we DID have sex, it was like I was, to quote her, “Not even there.” Why it was almost like I had a massive anxiety attack anytime she or my mom started talking about stuff like weddings and having babies.”

“Was she angry?”

Ben pursed his lips, thinking about it. Eventually he shook his head. “No, not really. I’d say more sad than angry. Rey — that’s her name — Rey was, and still is, a sweetheart. And the talk we had that day was maybe the first time in my life that I actually fully came to grips with myself, and what I wanted, you know?”

“So you broke up?”

Ben nodded. “Yeah. It’s been four years since then. The last time I heard of her, she had met this really great guy, they got married, and they were expecting a baby, which I’m glad about. She deserves all the best things.”

“So you said it’s been four years? So you must have been swimming in gorgeous men since then, huh?”

Ben burst into a short peal of laughter, shaking his head. “Nope. I’ve been totally single since that day, Hux.”

“Huh?”, Hux asked, surprised. “Are you kidding me?”

“Nope. Don’t laugh, but I’ve never had a date with a guy. I’ve never even been kissed by one.”

“How is that even possible?”, Hux muttered, mostly to himself. “A man who looks like you do, with that weirdo personality, and being rich to boot ... I just don’t get it.”

“Weirdo personality?”

Hux nodded. “Yeah. But I mean that in a good way. I think you’re one of the strangest people I’ve ever met, but again, no offense meant.”

“Do you want to hear something funny?”, Ben asked, blushing.

“What?”

“Um, when I ... when I ordered you, I DID fully intend to, um, get intimate with you. Because I was hoping that someone who did what you do could TEACH me stuff, you know? So that if I ever did get into it with a guy for real, I’d have some clue about what I was doing.”

Hux’s mind was blown by the implications of that. How was somebody like Ben, who had so much to offer —

“Why?”

“Why, what?”

“Why DIDN’T we do it? What changed your mind?”

Looking up at him, Ben said, quietly, “Because you started talking and I couldn’t go through with it. You seemed so calm, so nice, that I couldn’t picture myself asking you to do all that.”

Hux was quiet for a few moments, and then:

“Ben. I know I keep bringing this up. BUT. Once again, you’ve given me $5,000 for one week. If at some point you changed your mind about my purpose here, if you wanted to go into the bedroom and ... well, I wouldn’t get upset about it.”

“Again, thanks, but no. Like I said, I’ve never even been KISSED by a guy before. And I don’t want my first one to be with someone who’s only doing it because I paid them, you know? I want them to do it because they really, genuinely WANT to.”

Hux nodded slowly. “I can appreciate that.”

He stood up now and began clearing away their plates from the table, to be left on the cart for housekeeping. Ben told him that he didn’t have to do that, but Hux felt more comfortable with cleanliness. When he was finished, Ben asked, timidly,

“Have you ever had a really bad client before?”

Hux sat back down and nodded. Taking hold of his wine glass, he started, slowly,

“About a week after I signed up with the escort service, I was matched up with a man. I was happy about that, because I thought that my first client should be a guy, since, like I said, that’s my actual preference. But the guy ... he was into some rough stuff, Ben. And he had said that up front, before I’d agreed to anything, but I guess I thought he meant like, maybe spanking, of handcuffs, or something. But, uh, it was brutal. I’ll spare you the details, but, when he was finished with me, it took me almost half an hour just to walk from his room back to the lobby. After that I think I passed out, because I woke up and I was in the ER. I needed stitches and stuff, and I couldn’t eat solid foods for almost a whole week.”

“Oh my God,” Ben said, softly. “That’s horrible. Did you press charges?”

Hux laughed and shook his head. “No. I mean I guess I should have, but I was embarrassed about what had happened. After that, I just told myself to be careful who I accepted as a client. Everything’s about being careful.”

“Speaking of being careful ... do you ever worry about, uh, ‘catching’ anything?”, Ben asked. But before Hux could answer him, Ben put his hands up apologetically. “Shit, I’m sorry, I’m asking stuff that’s way too personal. You don’t have to answer that!”

“No, it’s cool. I get myself tested every month as a matter of course. I don’t have anything, I’ve never caught anything. I’ve always been a really big stickler for condoms and being safe. Some people who do what I do, they make it a thing, or they advertise it that they’re down for doing stuff without protection. They make a bunch more money that way, but me, I don’t care. I’d rather make a bit less than worry about an STD rearing it’s ugly head later.”

“What if the guy doesn’t want to wear a condom, and makes a big deal about it?”

“Then I just walk out. Same with women; some like to be done raw, and get super upset when you tell them you’re definitely wearing one.”

Here he paused and laughed a little, shaking his head. “In all seriousness, though, I keep thinking that I should get a vasectomy at some point.”

“What? Why?”

“Well, what if I accidentally got a female client pregnant? Christ, could you imagine that? What kind of shitty life that kid would have?”

Ben was quiet for a moment, and then, “But you know, I think you’d make a great dad, Hux. I really do.”

“Well, thank you, but I don’t share your opinion on that. I kinda gave up on all that shit, that happy family life shit, the day I started doing this. Nobody in their right mind would want me, now, considering all (and who) I’ve done. At least, that’s what dad told me before he croaked.”

“Your dad knew that you do this?”

Hux nodded. This was odd; he had never told this part of his story to anyone before, and would have thought that he’d be uncomfortable doing so now. But talking to Ben was ... different.

“Yeah. He knew.”

Hux told him of his father’s massive gambling debts, and how they had managed to cripple their lives. He told him how his father had gotten sick, and the hospital bills tripled what he already owed. He told Ben about the jobs he’d had before this, how hard he struggled just to keep a roof over their heads.

“I had to tell him eventually,” Hux said, sighing. “He wasn’t a stupid man, and there was no way he’d believe I was paying down THAT much money just from working at a cafe, you know?”

“And ... he was angry?”

“Very much so. He told me that I should have just let him die, and then killed myself, rather than do what I was doing.”

“After you doing all that, to essentially save him? He still said that to you?”

Hux nodded.

“What a fucking bastard!”, Ben exclaimed, his fists clenched. ”I mean, shit, I’m sorry I know he’s dead, but Jesus Christ, that pisses me off.”

“Eh,” Hux said, shrugging. “Life can be like that, right? You give your everything to the people you care about, but in the end, sometimes, it turns out that nothing you really did mattered, you know? Do YOU wanna hear something ‘funny’?”

Ben nodded.

“So about a year before he died, I threw him a birthday party. I had managed to save up some money, and I got food, and drinks. Decorated the house with balloons and streamers and stuff. Got a really nice cake at one of those fancy bakeries, all that.”

“That sounds like fun.”

“I invited all of his friends, and for a while, everything was fun. There was music, people were dancing. But dad ... he got really drunk during the course of the day. When it was time to cut the cake I wanted to do it, because I was scared he’d accidentally stab himself, you know?”

Ben nodded.

“But he kept saying he was fine. So I let him take the knife. But instead of cutting the cake he started speaking into the knife, like a microphone. He thanked everyone for coming, all of that ... and then he turned towards me and he goes, “‘And everyone be sure to thank my son Armitage for all of this. I imagine he had to take a lot of dicks up the ass to pay for it. Not that he minds it, but still.’”

“Holy Christ,” Ben muttered, sounding (and looking) appropriately horrified. “Are you being serious?”

Hux nodded. It was funny; in the past few years he hadn’t even been able to THINK about this story without bursting into tears. But something about telling it to Ben was ... soothing, in a way. Like a weight was being lifted off of his shoulders.

“Yeah. And keep in mind at this point, nobody knew that I was doing this for a living. And I had never even officially ‘come out’, you know?”

“Oh, Hux .... I don’t even have the words, man. That’s horrible.”

“Oh but it’s not the best part yet. So after a very awkward rest of the night, everyone’s leaving, and one of my dads friends, an older man, pulled me aside. I had known this guy since I was a little kid, you know? Called him ‘Uncle’ and everything. I thought he was going to try and comfort me about what my dad had said. But instead he has his hand on my arm, kinda stroking it, and asked if $20 would be enough for ‘a quick blowjob’ before he left.”

“Oh my god ... what did you say?”

“I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t think what to say ... this had been the guy who once showed up at a little league game to cheer me on when my dad was stuck at work and couldn’t make it. And he had just talked to me like ... like a whore. I felt so disgusted, so ... like I wasn’t even a person, like I wasn’t REAL, if that makes sense.”

“Can ... can I hug you right now?”

“What? Why?”

“Please, can I hug you? I just really want to hug you, Hux.”

After a moments hesitation, Hux nodded. Ben went to him and wrapped him in his strong arms, holding him so tightly that Hux had a bit of trouble breathing. But, all things considered, it was nice. The hug, the warmth, and that Ben cared enough to give either to him.

“You’re really something, Hux,” Ben told him, as he pulled away. “You handle such awful things, and you make it seem like they’re nothing. Really something.”

“You’ve just gotta learn to roll with the punches.”

“Hm. I suppose. Oh, hey, speaking of punches ...”, Ben began, changing the subject, “I passed by this store today and they were selling those NES things, you know, the ones where they’re smaller and they have games already set on them?”

“Oh yeah?”

Ben nodded. “Mm hmm. You wanna go with me, and get one? I was reading the games on it, and one of them was Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out. That was my favorite game when I was a kid!”

“Really? Out of all the NES games, that was your favorite? Not like, Super Mario Bros?”

“Nope. I could never beat that game, like the final level. Not once. I beat Mike Tyson every single time, though.”

“Well,” Hux said, standing and retrieving his jacket. “Let’s go get it then. I’ve never beat Punch-Out. You show me how to beat that, I’ll show you how to beat Mario.”

“Okay!”, Ben exclaimed happily, jumping up to get his own jacket. “Let’s go!”


	4. Chapter 4

“Aren’t you forgetting something?”

“Huh?”

Hux walked back into the living room, picking Ben’s briefcase off of the table and bringing it to him. “I think it’ll be hard for you to run meetings without your notes, won’t it?”

Ben blushed and nodded. “Shit ... I guess I forgot. Thanks.”

Hux nodded, wondering what had gotten into Ben today. During breakfast, he had poured orange juice instead of creamer into his coffee. A few minute ago, he had accidentally put on a t-shirt with his dress pants, instead of his shirt and tie; and now, he was ready to walk out the door without his briefcase.

_He’s moving a LOT slower than normal, too,_ Hux thought to himself, frowning. _What’s up with him today?_

“Okay, pretty sure I have everything now. I’ll be in meetings ‘til maybe 6 tonight.”

“Okay. See you when you get back. Have a good day.”

“You too,” Ben said, before walking out he door. After he left, Hux pondered to himself what to do today. The news had said that the weather was supposed to be warm, and, glancing outside the windows, Hux could see it was bright and sunny as well.

An idea came to him as he was getting dressed: he’d go for a jog.

When Hux has been in high school, he had never held much interest in sports. Basketball and baseball required too much hand-eye coordination, he didn’t have the size for football, and he definitely didn’t have the strength for wrestling.

Yet one day, one of his friends had convinced him to try out for the cross-country track team together; and Hux took to it like a duck to water. He had surprising stamina and endurance, and in running, he found a sense of clearness, of euphoria, that hadn’t existed for him before.

These past few years hadn’t given him much opportunity for outdoor running (the neighborhood that his apartment was in wasn’t exactly the ideal location to spend time outdoors), but Hux figured that it couldn’t hurt here, in this upscale part of town.

So he put on a pair of sweatpants and an old T-shirt, and, after spending some time stretching himself out, he headed outdoors.

He went around and around the large block of the hotel several times, the sweat building on his brow. Shops, coffee houses, women with children, dogs on leashes, trees, blue skies, the bright, bright sun ... all of it went past him in a cheerful blur. The thumping of his heart beating in his ears, mixed with his steady breathing and the various sounds of the people and things around him, all blended together to create an intoxicating melody of comfort and contentment.

After what he guessed was an hour, he stopped and headed back inside, slightly amused at the stares the front desk gave the panting, disheveled man getting into their posh elevator.

“Hux!”

Hux jumped, badly startled. When he opened the room door, he saw Ben pacing beside the chair in the living room, looking frantic. And his inhaler was clutched in his hand.

“Ben? What are you doing back already?”

“Where were you?!” Ben demanded, ignoring Hux’s question. Hux went into the bathroom to grab a towel, then came in further and sat down on the couch opposite Ben.

“I went for a jog,” Hux explained, using the towel to slowly wipe his sweaty face.

Ben finally sat down, the relief pouring out of him as he said, “I came back and you weren’t here. I waited and waited but you didn’t come back. I thought ... I thought maybe you got angry at me. Because of what I said last night. I thought you got mad and left.”

“Last night?”, Hux asked, cocking his head quizzically. “What did you say last night?”

“About your dad.”

“Oh!”, Hux said, remembering. He got back up and grabbed a water bottle from the little fridge, chugging half of the icy sweetness down before answering, “Why would that have made me MAD? You just stated your opinion. One I happened to agree with, actually.”

Ben slumped forward and said, in a low voice, “I kept thinking that the way I said it was disrespectful. I’m sorry. Even if you think I was right, I really shouldn’t have said it.”

He looked up at Hux now, and Hux squinted at him, taking a good look at his face. Something was ... off, wasn’t it? Was he a little, no, a LOT paler than normal?

_Jeez ... my not being here didn’t affect him THAT much, did it?_

“Why are you back already?”, Hux asked again, deciding a change in topic was needed. “I thought you said you were in meetings until 6 tonight. It’s —“, he paused, glancing at the clock, “It’s barely noon.”

“Oh. Um, I don’t know ... I guess I felt a little funny. I decided to skip the meeting I should be at right now. I’ll continue on from my 2 pm one.”

“What do you mean, you felt funny?”

“Just, funny. Like everything feels so heavy. Even the air feels heavy. I feel like I’m wearing a thousand pound suit or something.”

“Hm,” Hux said, taking another sip of his water. “I think you’re probably getting sick. Either that or you’re exhausted. Maybe both. Any other symptoms?”

“It’s not that; I never get sick,” Ben protested. A few moments later, he let out a series of quick sneezes, looking comically surprised at his body’s betrayal.

“Ben, how about you just cancel the rest of your day?”

“Over a tiny throat-tickle? That’s silly,” Ben said. He stood back up and headed for the bathroom. “In fact, it was probably stupid of me to skip THIS meeting. Im going to freshen up a little, then head back out.”

But Hux ran ahead of him and blocked the bathroom door, his arms folded across his chest as he said,

“No, you’re not. You’re going to go into the bedroom, sit down, pull out your phone, and cancel the rest of your day. Then you’re going to change back into your pajamas and sleep for a bit.”

“But —“

“If you don’t, I really AM going to get angry, and leave.”

Panic leapt into Ben’s face, so much that Hux almost felt guilty, for threatening him like that. “Okay, okay!”, Ben agreed, doing an about-face and rushing towards the bedroom. About ten minutes later he called out, “Okay, I cancelled everything and I changed. You’re not leaving, right?”

Hux came and stood in the bedroom doorway, unable to help smiling at the way Ben had followed his instructions.

“Well, I am, actually. But only to that CVS on the corner, to get you some medicine. So you just stay here and rest, until I come back, okay?”

“But ... but you ARE coming back?”

Hux nodded. “Yep. In 20 minutes or less. So hang tight, okay?”

Ben nodded, relaxing and laying down fully. He pulled the blankets up to his chin and said, softly, “Thank you, Hux.”

By the time Hux came back, Ben had gone to sitting up in bed, rather than laying down. That anxious look was back on his face, making Hux think that Ben had still doubted Hux’s sincerity about coming back. He also had his inhaler close to him, leaving Hux to think that he’d gotten so worked up that he’d needed to use it.

Rather than chide him for this, however, Hux simply sat on the edge of the bed, measured out the first dose of medicine into the little plastic cup, and watched Ben swallow it down.

“Why does that stuff always taste so awful?”, Ben asked, making a face.

“Be thankful that you can taste anything at all; it means your sinuses are still somewhat open and that you’re not THAT sick yet. Hopefully we can knock this out before it gets any worse.”

The rest of the day consisted of him entertaining Ben (who stubbornly refused to just go to sleep). They watched a few movies, they played cards. Around 7pm, Hux ordered Ben soup and ice cream ‘for this throat’, after which he insisted that Ben go to sleep.

“I can’t sleep,” Ben said miserably, laying down on his side, facing away from Hux. “My muscles feel all sore.”

Without really thinking about it, Hux put his hand on Ben’s back, and began rubbing.

“My ... my mom would do this when I was sick,” Hux explained, feeling himself blush a little. “She’d also draw pictures on my back, with her finger, and I’d try and guess what they were. For example, what do you think I’m drawing right now?”

Ben closed his eyes and dialed in his focus on Hux’s finger, thinking.

“The ... sun?”

“Yup,” Hux said, grinning. He wiped his entire hand across his ‘picture’, as if erasing it, then drew another. “What about this?”

“A ... a cat?”

“Nope.”

“Dog?”

“Nope.”

“Skunk?”

“What? No! Why would I be drawing a skunk on your back?”

Ben laughed and shrugged. “I have no idea. Wait, is this an animal, period?”

“Nope.”

“Well, shit! Then I give up.”

“It’s a car. A convertible with the roof down. How did you think that was a cat?”

“I thought it was like, a really big cat with a deformed back or something.”

“I’m sorry,” Hux said, abruptly taking his hand away. “You probably think this is stupid, right?”

“No!”, Ben protested, looking over his shoulder at Hux. “You have no idea how good that feels. Please, keep doing it?”

So Hux continued. He drew stars, he drew a crescent moon. He drew rainbows and trees and houses, and, in an impressive artistic feat, the Mona Lisa.

As time went on, Ben’s guesses were slower and slower in coming; and before Hux knew it, Ben had fallen asleep, breathing lightly into his pillow.

Hux gently stood up from the bed and tip-toed around to Ben’s front, to collect his empty tray and take it to the door for housekeeping to collect. But he ended up pausing for a long time, standing there and watching Ben.

He’s like a sleeping beauty, Hux found himself thinking, the thought springing unbidden to his mind. If I could be his Prince Charming, if I could awaken him ... if I could wake up BOTH of us, with a kiss ...

He immediately scrunched up his face in disgust, annoyed and angry with himself for having such a thought.

Ben is my client, and nothing more., Hux said to himself in his head, angrily, as he left the room with the tray. When this week is over, I’ll never see him again ... and that’s a good thing. In real life, in the real world, I’m not good enough for someone like him.

He put the tray outside the front door for room service, along with the Do Not Disturb sign. Then he went quietly back into the bedroom and grabbed one of the many extra blankets from the foot of the bed. He took it into the living room and curled up tight on the narrow sofa.

After a long while, he fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

It was weird; Hux knew he shouldn’t be listening to Ben’s conversation, but he couldn’t help it. This was the first time he’d heard him raise his voice. Also the first time (aside from his emotion at Hux’s story about his father) Hux could hear him getting genuinely angry.

It was the next day, and Ben, even though he still felt a bit under the weather, forced himself to get up and go to his meetings.

“I’m almost at the endgame now,” he’d told Hux, before leaving that morning. “Just two more days and I can go back home.”

He had walked out the door after giving his usual “See ya later!”; but Hux had been left strangely melancholy, after Ben departed.

So, it was almost over. 

In two days, the week would be over, and Hux would be free to return home as well. 

He could take the $5000 Ben was giving him, pay ahead on the rent, pay ahead on the monthly bill and loan payments. 

Maybe be able to budget what was left and make it last for awhile, so that he wouldn’t have to accept any more clients for a few weeks.

In a way, he felt he should really be thanking Ben. This last week had been like taking a much-needed vacation for Hux, and Hux was grateful for how nicely Ben had treated him.

But the thought of walking out of this hotel in two days, the thought of never seeing this tall, handsome, absolute weirdo again ...

_Ah, but I warned you about that, Hux,_ he said to himself, as he straightened up. _Getting too attached to a client, even a ‘good’ one, is never a smart idea._

He told himself that, and to be cheerful about the money, and getting back to his own bed ... but nothing could lighten the cloud he felt hanging around his head.

The entire day passed like that, with Hux listlessly watching tv, or staring into space, waiting for Ben to come back.

But when Ben came home, his mood was different. He seemed upset, and he was in his cellphone when he came through the door. He quickly waved at Hux, then walked into the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

“No, no,” Ben was saying now, and Hux could tell he was pacing back and forth, by the sound of his shoes scuffing the carpet. “I left that property open for a reason, mom! I have Diego meeting that woman from the charity; I’m trying to get her a good deal.”

A pause, and then, “She deserves it, that’s why! She needs a two level in a decent neighborhood for those kids she fosters. What? No! But why — mom, please just listen —“

After that, the conversation went mostly silent on Ben’s end, with him just saying things like “Okay” or “Mm hmm.”

Hux knew when the conversation was over, because, from out of no where, Ben screamed out a startlingly loud “Fuuuuuck!”; and what sounded like the low swooshing of Ben’s inhaler being used.

After giving it a few minutes, Hux went and knocked timidly on the door.

“Ben? Can I come in?”

“Yeah.”

Hux entered to find Ben sitting on the edge of the bed, listlessly flipping his cellphone back and forth between his hands. Hux cautiously sat down next to him.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I guess. I’m ... I’m just tired, I guess.”

He proceeded to tell Hux about a house he was trying to sell to a woman who fostered a lot of children, only to have his mother decide to sell it to someone else, somebody ‘more reliable’, as she put it.

“But I’ve been working with Ms. Johnson for MONTHS, trying to work out a plan so that she could afford this. But mom ... she doesn’t see things like I do. She only sees dollar signs. I guess this lady doesn’t have enough dollar signs to interest her.”

He paused and let out a ragged chuckle.

“I don’t know, Hux. I just ... I just hate this job so much. I hate how cutthroat it is, I hate the politics, I just despise everything about it.”

Hux was quiet for a few moments, taking that in, not sure how to respond without triggering Ben into a fit.

“If you hate it,” Hux began, gently, “Why not quit? I mean, you’re clearly smart, and educated; why not do something else?”

Ben just shrugged, but in that shrug, Hux could see what Ben couldn’t say: the absolute, suffocating fear, of disappointing his family. Hux could recognize the thoughts as if they were plainly written across Ben’s face. He should; after all, the same feelings had had a hold on Hux for as long as he could remember.

So he decided to ask a different question instead.

“If you could do anything you want, consequence-free, what would it be?”

Ben was quiet for a few moments, thinking about it. 

“I think, I’d kinda like to be a teacher, actually.”

“Really?”, Hux asked, surprised. He hadn’t expected that answer.

“Yeah. Like, an early education teacher, like grade school. I’ve always wanted to do that. When I graduated high school I told my mom that that was what I wanted to go to college to learn, but she went ballistic. Eventually she wore me down to go into business and finance, and eventually real estate, so I could take over this company.”

Another thought suddenly occurred in Hux’s mind; what about Ben’s father? He had spent all this time talking about what his _mother_ wanted and expected of him, but not his dad.

But how to bring that up, without possibly offending Ben? Hux decided to approach it in a roundabout way.

“It’s funny, isn’t it,” he began, slowly, “How much our parents can effect us, even when we’re supposedly grown-ups. You know my dad was kinda a ball-buster, and I guess that’s why I feel so much like nothing I do is good enough. But I always wonder, would things have been different if my mom had been around?”

“Your mom ... was she, uh —“

“She died when I was about 6.”

“Jeez, I’m sorry,” Ben said, awkwardly patting Hux’s shoulder.

“Me, too. I honestly can’t remember much about her, Ben, but I remember that she was nice. And she smiled a lot; she was always telling me jokes. I guess that’s where I get my humor from.”

A pause, and then:

“My dad was like that, too. Always smiling, always laughing. He had one of those deep laughs that you could hear from any room in the house. Contagious.”

“Well, you must get that from him, then. Your laughing is really ‘contagious’ too.”

Ben smiled, looking down at his feet.

“Thanks. Apparently I also get my height from him. We were both really tall, or at least it seemed like that when you look at my mom. She’s a real shorty. I was taller than her by the time I was 11. She used to look up whenever me and my dad came into the same room and say ‘Here come the giants again.’”

Here he paused, occupying his hands with unbuttoning his long sleeves, as he continued,

“I guess I’m like you; I always wonder if things would have turned out different if he’d stayed around longer. But I can’t really blame him for going, I guess: him and mom’s marriage was toxic. Always fighting, always arguing. They only got married in the first place because of me.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mom was 23 and just out of college. She was young but really smart, and her dad put her in charge of one of their new housing developments. Like, hiring workers, meeting with clients or potential buyers, all of that. So anyway she hires this freelance group of construction workers, and my dad is the foreman there. They start seeing each other in secret, and before long, well—“ 

Ben trailed off, rubbing his hands in a circle over his belly, so that Hux might get what he meant. Hux nodded to show that he understood.

“Anyway, my grandpa was super mad. He insisted my parents get married, to ‘save my mom’s reputation’. Then they lied when I was born by telling everyone I was a month premature, so that no one knew I was conceived out of wedlock.”

“That’s crazy,” Hux replied, shaking his head.

“Yeah. So then grandpa dies when I’m like, 4 or 5, and mom takes over everything. For a long time she tried to make my dad a part of her company, but it just didn’t work. Dad’s not one of those suit and tie people, you know? So one day, out of no where, he packed a suitcase, and he left. Think I had just turned 12.”

“He left?”

“He left,” Ben said, and Hux noticed how white his knuckles had gotten around his inhaler, which he had grabbed from the dresser. “And I guess, on a ‘higher level’, I can understand that. Or I can understand all the shit they told me in therapy.”

“Therapy?”

“Mm,” Ben nodded, and took a quick huff on his inhaler. “It was maybe two weeks after he walked out. Mom said I was ‘moping’, so she made me go sit and talk to her therapist. One hour a day, twice a week, for nearly an entire year.”

“‘Moping’?”, Hux repeated, shaking his head. “You were 12 years old, and your dad just left. I would have thought something was wrong if you WEREN’T ‘moping’ over that.”

“Yeah, well, mom was just annoyed, I guess. She kept saying how he was a bum and we were better off ... and yeah, maybe he was, and we were. But I still missed him. He fought with my mom but not with ME, Hux. We had some fun times. Like with the car.”

“The car?”

“Yeah,” Ben said, leaning his head back and closing his eyes as he continued to speak. “My mom had two cars, a Lexus and a Mercedes. Really nice, really expensive, of course. But dad had the beat-up old Chevy he had had in high school. The thing hardly ever started, and when mom wasn’t around, he’d let me help him ‘fix’ it.”

“That sounds like fun.”

“It was. We’d be in the garage, listening to music. He’d use all these tools, and he’d show me and explain to me what each thing was, and what it did. Most of the time he had beer, and he’d let me sneak and have one, too.”

He paused, leaning back up, and Hux was surprised to find that tears were making Ben’s eyes bright.

“All that time in therapy, Hux, and I just never understood WHY. I get him leaving mom but why did he leave me, too? Did I say something wrong? Was it something I did or didn’t do? He left and it was like we became strangers overnight. He called maybe once a month, and he came to my high school graduation ... but talking to him, shaking his hand ... complete strangers.”

Hux, not really understanding what he was doing, scooted closer to him, and put both arms around him. Ben seemed surprised, as well; but his body put up no resistance to Hux’s warmth.

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Hux said, patting his back. “And sometimes you can be the best person in the world, but you can’t force the people around you to act how you want or need them to, you know?”

When Ben calmed down, Hux let him go ... or he thought he did. His brain had given the command for him to let go of Ben, get up, go in the kitchen and get him some water ... but for some reason his mind didn’t relay the message to the rest of his body.

Hux wasn’t sure, exactly, who kissed whom first. All he knew was that the two had been leaning closer and closer, and suddenly, he was pressed against the softest lips he had ever kissed in his life. His world exploded into lights and stars, and it was all he could do, to hold on to his own mind amidst the rush of feelings rampaging through it.

“I’m so sorry,” Ben said, his face red as their lips separated. “I ... I didn’t mean to ...”

Hux put both hands on Ben’s face and pressed his body into his as he initiated another kiss, this one worlds deeper than before.

“I’m kissing YOU,” Hux mumbled to him, hoping that Ben would understand. “Not your money, not your job, not your family. YOU. Ben Solo. Because I **want** to.”

Ben smiled; he understood.

Ben leaned fully back into the bed, grabbing Hux’s shirt and pulling him down on top of him. Whether Ben had no experience with men or not, he was a magnificent kisser. Every spot his lips touched had Hux tingling, almost vibrating with desire.

His passion intensified when he realized that Ben was starting to become aroused in another way; the front of his pants appeared to be getting tighter by the second.

“Do you ... do you WANT, to —“, Ben started, his face red in a blush, his fingers touching Hux’s lips.

“Yes. Do YOU?”

Another kiss; Hux was a bit scared, at how natural this all felt. Almost as if it was meant to happen.

Undressing Ben was a surprise; Hux had had no idea, and he felt ill-prepared, for how astoundingly beautiful Ben was _without_ clothes on.

“You’re serious that you’ve never done this with a man?”, Hux asked, kissing slowly along Ben’s gorgeous taut neck.

“N-no. Never.”

“It’s okay. I’m going to show you how to do this, okay? But I don’t want you to worry, or feel insecure or anything. We’ll go as slow as you need, alright?”

Ben responded by gently grabbing Hux’s face and kissing him, again. Hux smiled against Ben’s insistent lips, a bit stunned at realizing how badly he wanted this.

How much they BOTH wanted this.

Even going slow, and Hux getting Ben comfortable with certain things, Ben was a fast learner. He seemed intent not so much on his own experience, but Hux’s, making what was happening between them almost explosive, in its intensity.

And that was a first for Hux, too: somebody trying to please HIM. Someone asking him questions about what HE liked, and HE needed. Waves of pleasure rolled over Hux’s body so strongly that he was afraid he’d be swept away by them.

Afterwards (and ‘afterwards’ didn’t come for quite some time), they lay next to one another, each glistening with light sweat. Ben’s breathing was a bit hectic, so Hux had his arms around him, gently patting him and stroking his skin, to help it return to normal. He’d offered to get him his inhaler, but Ben refused, unwilling to have Hux’s arms taken from around him, even for a few moments.

“So that’s what sex with a man is like,” Ben got out in-between gasps, chuckling a bit. “I’ve been missing out.”

“Shhh,” Hux murmured, continuing to pat him. “Deep breaths, deep breaths—“

After a few long moments, Ben finally quelled the tempest in his chest. He was back to normal — but now Hux didn’t want to let him go. Rather, he tightened his arms around him, running his fingers back and forth in Ben’s luxuriant hair.

“I’ve known you for a week,” Ben murmured, precariously close to sleep now. “A week, but I feel like I really ... I could really ... love ...”

And then he was out.

Hux, though tired, couldn’t have slept even if he’d wanted to. So many thoughts, feelings, were running through his mind, that he wasn’t sure which to address first.

_I didn’t think it would feel like that,_ he thought to himself, continuing to run his fingers through Ben’s hair. _I thought I could handle that, because I believed it would just have felt like sleeping with another client. But, oh my God ..._

When had Hux ever felt like this? When had he ever had his arms around somebody that he wanted to protect, to blend into, to ... to love?

And the way Ben had completely surrendered to Hux.

The way Ben had had complete trust, in Hux.

Ben gave a contented little sigh in his sleep, and burrowed himself deeper into Hux’s chest. Hux hesitated, then kissed Ben’s hair, before resting his chin in it softly. 

As peaceful as this was, as soothed as he felt, Hux wouldn’t have been Hux if the what-ifs, the fears, the doubts hadn’t come crowding into his mind all at once.

_What you want couldn’t happen_ , Hux’s mind bellowed at him angrily. _Ben didn’t mean that, when he started to say he might love you. You know him; he’s sensitive, he’s prone to his emotions and clearly has some issues with attachment. He ... he couldn’t love you. There’s no way._

And even if Ben DID ... how would that work? If anything were to happen; say, if Ben managed to bring Hux back home with him, start an actual relationship with him ... 

How in the hell would people react to that?

What could Ben possibly say, that sounded in anyway alright, when he introduced Hux to others? _This is Hux; I ordered him off a website where broken men and women offer up sexual services for cash. He has no family, no friends, he lives in a slummy neighborhood in an apartment where you have to hit the water pipe six times to make the hot water come out, oh, and the best part of all: he’s broke. I know my family has really high expectations of me and I could have anyone in the world but I’m choosing this pale, skinny redhead. Anyway, mom, here we are for dinner._

Hux hadn’t realized he was crying until a small bit of wetness glided down both cheek, pooling at his chin.

No matter what ...

... he couldn’t presume to insert himself into Ben’s life. Ben was a man of importance, of social status and wealth ... and Hux was ...

Hux stayed awake all night, battling with himself. When the first faintest traces of sunlight began showing through the blinds in the window, Hux knew he didn’t have much time.

Carefully, moving slowly so as not to wake Ben, he slid out of bed and across the floor, finding the suitcase he had brought with him when he’d first come here. He quietly began throwing what little clothing he’d brought into it, for once not worrying about order or neatness.

Once packed, he crept to the little dresser beside the bed, and took a piece of the hotel’s stationary from the pad. He took the paper into the living room. He had to wait quite a long time for his tears to stop, in order to see the sheet clearly.

~ ~ ~  
 _ **Dear Ben,**_

_**I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. But I had to leave. Last night was so incredibly wonderful that it scared me. The way you touched me, the way you held me, the things you said ... you’re an amazing man, Ben Solo. But I can’t allow this, I can’t allow someone like you to fall for someone like me. I’m nothing. I can’t destroy your life like that. I’m leaving the money you gave me, you’ll find it in an envelope beside your bed. In the future, Ben, I hope you’ll realize that you don’t need to pay anyone to want to be around you. Your smile, your laugh, your weirdo personality are all more than enough. Thank you for everything,** _

_**Hux**_  
~ ~ ~


	6. Chapter 6

It was rare that Hux got to enjoy sunshine on a day off lately, but today was different.

Despite the weather having been cold and raining for the past few weeks, today was blessed with a bright sun, warm air, and a rare, peaceful quiet having fallen over Hux’s normally child-filled neighborhood.

When Hux had moved to this new apartment last month, one of the things he really liked about it was that it was so close to the beach. Hux could open up his windows and smell the salty, open air of the water, and, when he had the energy to get up early enough and jog down there, he could watch some spectacular sunrises from one of the two piers.

It was late afternoon on a Saturday, and Hux had decided to walk down to the beach and enjoy some time looking at the water. He stopped about midway there, as he passed by a small park and noticed that a food truck vendor was parked just inside the entrance.

“Hey, if it isn’t Mr. Hux!”, the vendor, an older, big-bellied black man in a stained white apron exclaimed, leaning out as Hux walked up to him.

“Hey,” Hux said, smiling. “So this is where you work, eh?”

“Oh, you know, I work everywhere. I’m just parked in here today because earlier this place was full of kiddies and their mothers. Thought I’d make a killing; but they all had picnic lunches.”

“That’s some rotten luck,” Hux said, leaning against the truck. “Hey, did you start that assignment yet, for Davidson?”

The man nodded. “I have. Got the book with me now, actually,” he said, reaching underneath a shelf and pulling out a worn, dog-eared textbook, showing it to Hux. “I’ve read the first chapter, and am halfway done with the second.”

“Is it hard to read?”

“Nah, but it’s a LOT of stuff to take in. If you haven’t started, you should start soon. Stuff like this can kinda pile up on you, if you’re not careful.”

Hux nodded. “Good advice. I just haven’t had time yet; I’ve had to work like every day this week. I was off today but it was so nice I just had to get out.”

“I get that, man. Hey, you thirsty? You want a lemonade or something? On the house.”

Hux gratefully accepted, and watched as he made Hux a fresh-squeezed strawberry lemonade. He handed it to Hux with a smile.

“Enjoy it, bud. Hey I’m gonna pack it in and go; the wife’s would chew me out if she knew I was sitting here wasting gas and power when I’m not bringing in any money.”

Hux nodded and shook his hand. “Okay. Thanks again for this; see you Monday night!”

The man honked his horn for Hux and drove off, leaving Hux alone in the park. It was later now, the sun planted in the West and sending it’s rays across Hux’s face. He sat down on a bench to drink his lemonade, thinking to himself that he should just skip the beach and go home, to get a start on his assignment.

As he stood up to throw his cup in the trash can, a voice coming from behind him called out his name, causing his heart to lock up in his chest.

“Hux?”

Hux turned, slowly, in disbelief.

_There’s no way. There’s no fucking way. It can’t possibly be —_

It was.

He was standing at the entrance of the park, by the little gate, and looking at Hux as if the latter had just been catapulted from heaven.

“Oh my God!,” Ben exclaimed, rushing up to him. “Is that seriously you?!”

Hux didn’t reply. What could he say? HE was the one who had walked out, after all. Surely, Ben was angry with him, right? He had every reason to be. Hux braced himself, thinking that Ben was surely getting ready to hit him, to punch him, _something_.

So Hux was beyond surprised when Ben threw his arms around him instead. He squeezed Hux so tightly, and for so long, that the redhead could hardly breathe.

“Wait ... wait ...”, Hux managed to get out, struggling in Ben’s death grip. “You’re not — I mean, why are you hugging me? Don’t you hate me??”

Ben released him and looked at his face, his eyes wide in confusion.

“Hate you?”, he repeated, scrunching up his brow. “Why would I hate you? I tried for so long to find you, but it’s like you disappeared from the face of the earth! The agency refused to give me any details on you ... I was convinced that I’d just dreamt you.”

Hux could see that Ben was getting to the point where he was close to hyperventilating, so he grabbed hold of Ben’s arm, leading him to the bench that Hux had just been sitting on.

“Calm down, calm down,” he said, trying to sound soothing as he patted his back. “Deep breaths, okay? Where’s your inhaler?”

“Don’t have it! I didn’t think I’d need it — but oh my god! Holy shit I can’t believe I FOUND you! I can’t — I can’t —“

“If you don’t calm down you’re going to ‘find’ YOURSELF in the hospital!”, Hux exclaimed, patting Ben on the back. “Please, try and relax, okay? Deep breaths.”

As Ben worked on calming himself, Hux began to speak to him, slowly, quietly. Giving Ben the explanation he deserved. He told Ben about where his head was, the morning after they’d had sex. How scared he was of how close he’d felt to him. All of the worries and the fear that someone like Hux just wasn’t good enough for someone like Ben.

At the end of Hux’s story, Ben’s breathing had gone back to normal, and he was looking at Hux with understanding eyes.

“I get all of that,” he told Hux, cautiously reaching out to pat his arm. “I’m so glad I finally found you, so that I could hear all of it from you.”

Hux nodded, looking down at his feet. “Seriously, though; what the hell are you doing here? This place is kinda a far cry from your usual residences, isn’t it?”

Instead of answering directly, Ben straighted up, smiled, and said,

“So, I quit my family’s company.”

“Wha — really?”

Ben nodded. “Yup. About five months ago.”

“What happened??”

“Well, I was sitting in a meeting, kinda just staring at the wall, and something in me started to shake. It shook and rattled until I couldn’t stand it anymore. So I stood up, and walked out. Left my briefcase, my papers, my jacket, everything. Didn’t stop ‘til I hit the sidewalk, then I took a cab almost 100 miles to my mother’s house. Heh, she thought I was drunk or something. I told her I was done doing what she wanted, that I was done with that company, everything.”

“I can’t believe you,” Hux mumbled, both horrified and impressed. “Just like that? You just up and walked away?”

“Yup. I did. My mom wasn’t happy, naturally. She tried everything, said I was just stressed out. She tried to pay to send me on a vacation to the Bahamas, to ‘clear my head.’ But I said fuck the Bahamas, and fuck her, too. So she completely cut me off, from everything. No more credit cards, no house, no cars, nothing.”

“I’m so sorry, Ben. That must have been hard for you.”

“No; I’m actually really happy. I think this is the happiest I’ve ever fucking been, Hux.”

“But what are you doing now?”

“Well, I was lucky. One of my dad’s old friends heard about what happened, and offered to let me stay in the apartment complex he owns, for really cheap rent. It’s pretty small, but I think I’ve made it cozy. I had to laugh, the first time I saw it I thought, this is like the size of one of my closets in my old home. Oh, and my dad’s friend also got me a job, working overnights in an unloading crew down by the docks.”

“Wow ... that’s like, a huge switch from what you were doing! But wait, you have like, a few college degrees under your belt. You could probably have gotten a more high profile job than that.”

“Probably,” Ben agreed, “But I didn’t want that. I wanted to start completely fresh, if that makes sense.”

“I get that. Still, from business man to dock worker? That’s crazy.”

“I know. But I like it. My coworkers are all really nice, and we have a lot of fun at work. It ... I don’t know, Hux ... I finally feel normal, you know? Like I’m a part of other people. Oh! And guess what! I’m starting school in the spring! I applied for financial aid and enrolled in community college. I’m finally going to be an early education major!”

“Ben ... I am so incredibly, unbelievably proud of you!”, Hux told him, patting him on the back. “It sounds like you’ve finally gotten everything you wanted!”

“Not quite,” Ben said, a rueful smile on his face. Then he changed the subject and asked, “What about you, though? What’s going on with you?”

“Ah, well, surprisingly, YOU had the honor of being my last ‘client’, Ben.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I guess I had a moment like yours, where I just knew I couldn’t do that shit anymore. So I got a ‘regular’ job, too; I’m bartending at this place called ‘Watto’s’. It’s not glamorous, and obviously I don’t make nearly as much money as I did with the other thing, right? But, I don’t know, I FEEL better about myself now. And it’s like you said, about feeling normal. Like making friends, getting a better apartment with neighbors I can actually talk to, things like that.”

“That’s crazy; my co-workers talk all the time about how I should join them for drinks at Watto’s! I always say no because I’m not really a drinker, but now ...”

“Oh, and I went back to school, too. So I bartend in the day and go to school at night.”

“Really?”

“Mm hm. I’m not exactly sure what I want to be, but I know I want it to be something in the social working field. I think that part of the reason my life got as out-of-control as it did was because I was so fucking overwhelmed with everything happening, and I had no one that I felt I could reach out to, to help me, or even to talk to. I’d like to be that somebody for others like me, you know?”

Ben leaned over and gave him a brief hug. “I’m so fucking proud of you, too, Hux. Like seriously.”

As he pulled away, he said, timidly, “Do you ... do you have class tonight?”

Hux shook his head. “I only go to school on the weekdays. Why?”

“Um ... I only live like, 4 blocks from here. You know, since being on my own, I’ve had to teach myself stuff like how to cook. I’m no gourmet chef but I can make a pretty mean grilled cheese. Would ... would you want to come over? For dinner? Maybe watch a movie?”

Hux looked at him, tilting his head.

“That sounds ... a lot like a ... date.”

Now Ben was blushing, and he continued, “I ... um ... I’ve got a coffee pot. And some Harry Potter mugs. If you come over, you can drink out of the Snape cup!”

“I just don’t get you, Ben,” Hux said, shaking his head. “Even after knowing every dirty, disgusting thing I’ve done ... you’re still asking me out? I walked out that day, and you still want me?”

“You kinda owe me, Hux. I mean, you DID run off with my virginity and all,” Ben said coyly, trying to fuse some humor into the situation.

“Bullshit,” said Hux, snorting a laugh. “You dated a woman for six years, you were no virgin.”

“I was a virgin with guys!”, Ben said, also laughing. Then he grew serious. Taking a deep breath, he leaned forward, and took Hux’s hands into his.

“In all seriousness, I ... I really like you, Hux. And I think the week I spent with you was a big reason why I finally decided to make these changes in my life. And I get it; our pasts are messy, and both of our lives are kinda fucked up. But you know what? The past is the PAST, not the future. And I really want to be a part of _your_ future, Hux. We can take it as slow as you want, and really get to know each other. Be friends first, if that’s what it takes. But I can’t just let you walk away again. I can’t —“

Hux’s lips were on Ben’s before the latter could finish his sentence.

“We’re already friends,” Hux told him, as he pulled away. “But I’d be really interested in knowing what comes after.”

“E. After I. Except after c. Or something like that,” Ben said, teasing him.

“I still think you’re a weirdo,” Hux told him, standing and holding out his hand. “And I swear, if I come over, if you try and pull out a Monopoly board on me, I’ll scream.”

“Fine, fine,” Ben replied, taking Hux’s hand and pulling him in the direction of his apartment. “Uno, then? Or Guess Who? Or —“

Hux leaned up and kissed him again, laughing. “Weirdo,” he muttered, while pressing himself close into Ben as they walked along. “But I guess ... you’re MY weirdo, now?”

“Yup,” said Ben, squeezing Hux’s hand tighter.

“Yup,” Hux agreed; and the two continued into the sunset together.


End file.
